The First

9:40 AM me: the clandestine mule does not take kindly to the new yield sign i put on the corner of fiddish and centurion blvd

9:41 AM bjduffy11: well i don't blame him

  that's a terrible intersection for a yield sign

9:42 AM me: but the last time a stop sign was in place, i ended up housing and feeding a 4 legged boa constrictor who was tossed off the back of the wagon.

9:45 AM bjduffy11: well that's what you get for trusting a Canadian kite runner with your ramen noodles

9 minutes

9:55 AM me: well i thought the kite runner was from fargo, while canadians are not to be trusted with their ramen noodles, i have found they are quite keen on facilitating jaw breakers at fairly high rate, and of course their precision at making fireball candy is unprecedented, as was noted by the famed historian dick clark in his infamous new years eve speech of '92.

7 minutes

10:02 AM bjduffy11: well what most people tend to over-look is that dick clark is indeed a canadian himself, which thereby concludes that his self interest was to preserve the reputation of jaw breaker facilitation, unfortunately creating a conflict of interest.But i think we can all agree that dick clark has broken several jaws in his prime

10:05 AM me: i couldnt agree more, who can forget that it was indeed him who sidelined carson daly for two months with his quick jab. however, it should be noted that when the terms "dick" "jaw" "break" "prime" and "reputation" are all together, one must be referring to the epic war porno "whoremandy" about a company of strippers storming the beaches of pensacola florida in an effort to rid the area of its first class women.

10:08 AM bjduffy11: ahh yes, "Whoremandy", a classic. The sequel however, "World Whore 3: Erections Galore" was a total flop. They really skimped on the production, certainly not M. Night Shamalyn's best work but unfortunately what he is most remembered for.

 me: hahahahaha

  i concede

10:09 AM m night shamalan directing a porno

 bjduffy11: hahaha

  i'd watch that

10:12 AM there'd be a twist ending where paul giamatti was pregnant the whole time and gives birth to a full grown water buffalo

10:13 AM me: hahahahahaha

10:14 AM bjduffy11: in the midst of this conversation i totally fucked up my timesheets

  accidentally submitted my hours for some week in july

  oopsie

10:16 AM me: hahahaha

29 minutes

10:45 AM me: way down under on the chattahoochie

10:49 AM bjduffy11: boner jams

6 minutes

10:55 AM bjduffy11: i hate checking my bank account after the weekend

10:56 AM me: never good

7 minutes

11:04 AM bjduffy11: fuck, marry, kill: barry manilow, punky bruester and alf

 me: wow

11:05 AM bjduffy11: yeah

  toughie

 me: f alf
marry manilow
kill punky bruster

11:06 AM bjduffy11: exactly how i would've answered

  is it gay we both would've killed the only heterosexual option?

11 minutes

11:18 AM me: hahahahahaha

  uhhh no

  its manilow

 bjduffy11: good point

 me: i present u these three options...
steven tyler, fran drescher, gilbert godfried

 bjduffy11: oh god

11:19 AM kill gilbert, fuck fran, marry steven tyler

  two of the most annoying voices in history

  that wasn't easy

 me: i think thats the only route u can go with that one

  have to get rid of the two voices

11:20 AM btw

  ive gotten into this thing

11:21 AM where i call jarrod duing the middle of the work day

  and just quietly say a couple of rap lyrics

  and hang up

  its quite entertaining

 bjduffy11: hahahahaha

11:22 AM i like it

 me: yea

  just call him up and say "shake it for the camera phone" and han gup

11:23 AM bjduffy11: haha

11:24 AM me: i won that 5k race i ran in on saturday

  got a little medal

  felt nice

  oh and in other news

 bjduffy11: ooo look at you

 me: my hair is almost slick back capable

  were right on the verge

 bjduffy11: i was going to ask you about that

 me: a couple front hairs are being troublesome

 bjduffy11: lol

11:25 AM me: i can put it in a rubber band adn the hair will be all bck

 bjduffy11: my hair is ridiculously long at the moment

  nice'

 me: yea

  very tricky to run with long hair

  im currently going with wearing a hat on my runs

 bjduffy11: gotta wear a hat or headband

  yeah i always do

11:26 AM me: to bring this convo to even greater homo heights

  where do i get mens hairbands

11:27 AM bjduffy11: i hav eno idea

  i don't think they make them, go to like CVS or something

  i just wear a bandana or hat

 me: hmm bandana

 bjduffy11: but i wouldn't recommend wearing a bandana to work

 me: interesting

  hahahaha

  i dont think so

 bjduffy11: especially backwards

  tupac style

  although if you want to establish your authority

  it helps

11:28 AM me: glad ive stuck with the hair

  theres been moments where i wnated to cut it off

  have u slicked urs back yet

11:29 AM bjduffy11: nah

  i don't think i can pull that off

 me: think u oughta give it a shot sir

11:30 AM bjduffy11: perhaps

 me: how was ur weekend

 bjduffy11: splendid

  it rained up here all weekend so didn't really do anything

11:31 AM watched Public Enemies, it was alright

  great cast, bad script

 me: ya

 bjduffy11: got my ass kicked in pixar themed monopoly

 me: oh boy

 bjduffy11: apparently buzz lightyear goes to jail a lot

11:32 AM me: racism

 bjduffy11: most likely